


Hold Me as I Tremble

by napoleonboneaparte



Series: Across the Pond [2]
Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types, The Heroes of Olympus - Rick Riordan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Boarding School, Alternate Universe - British, Christmas Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Teen Angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-11
Updated: 2016-09-11
Packaged: 2018-08-14 10:39:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8010418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/napoleonboneaparte/pseuds/napoleonboneaparte
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>*Why, Jason? Why was I born this way? Why did you have to ignite these sinful feelings in me? You are the one that everyone looks up to, and I’m...I’m nobody.*</p><p>“Fuck. I’m a fucking mess,” groaned Nico for only himself and God to hear. He missed Jason. But did he deserve him? And would Jason accept him even if he did?</p><p>He could talk to Jason about anything and he always understood him. It didn’t matter that Jason came from a wealthy background and was from a different country altogether, he just did. He cared for him and for that, Nico would always be grateful, but now that his big bad secret was out, how was Jason going to react?</p><p>What if he declared his love for him and Jason didn’t reciprocate his feelings? What if Jason said that he just wanted to be friends and nothing more than that? Nico would feel like an utter moron, exposing his dirty secret out in the open like the village idiot, suffocating under the weight of his own stupidity. A wishful part inside Nico held on to the hope that Jason actually had feelings for him too. A stupid, irrational hope.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hold Me as I Tremble

It had become a routine to Nico. A tradition, even, starting from the time he was still a wailing babe in the cradle and continuing on even into his teenage years whenever he was back home. Like clockwork every time, as soon as the clock struck twelve, Nico would drop whatever he was doing, be it fiddling around with his phone or reading a particularly good book, and just throw the covers onto himself to feign sleep.

It wouldn’t be long before his bedroom door creaked open faintly, with the dim sliver of light chasing away the darkness. A warm hand that could only belong to a mother would then run its fingers through his hair. A mother’s touch. If he braved a peek, a tired smile would greet him, followed by a long, fervent kiss on the forehead. “Buona notte, tesoro mio,” she would whisper before getting up onto her feet. The darkness would then make its return as the door closed behind her with a quiet click. Nico would then normally just close his eyes and not stir until dawn broke. Not tonight though.

As soon as he was sure that his mother had retired to her bedroom, he sat upright in his bed. He had been biting on his lip for nearly the whole day now, agitated and if he was being truthful, frightened. He wasn’t sure about what to do, or what to say for that matter. Each time he tried to type out a Facebook message to Jason, it felt like his brain was short-circuiting and incapable of stringing sentences together. It had been three weeks since he had made one of the stupidest and riskiest moves of his life. Nico felt like slapping himself tightly across the face. What the fuck had he been thinking? Who was he to be kissing Jason Grace, school prefect, footballer and best friend?

It was as if the switch at the back of his head had been turned off as he moved in to do the deed. True, it felt so charmingly romantic and absolutely quintessential that moment their lips touched. It was a fantasy come to life, a dream realised.  To feel Jason’s hot breath on his lips. To actually feel, that he actually meant something to someone for once.

Since the moment he first met Jason, he was drawn to him, like a moth to a flame. It was not only his good looks, though it would be wrong to deny that he did provide some eye candy once in a while. Jason was the handsome ace and the naturally charismatic leader, generally the total opposite of Nico. And at first, Nico hated him for it. It was hard not to. With Jason’s presence, each and every flaw of Nico’s seemed amplified tenfold. He was quiet, shy, a loner, not at all leader material and bearing quite a ton of emotional baggage. Teachers remembered him only for getting into fights while upholding the school’s golden boy as pillar of virtue. And instead of just ignoring him, Jason did the worst thing he could have thought of. He was nice to him.

While Jason could be rather obnoxiously affectionate at times, Nico secretly enjoyed the attention. It was good that Jason wasn’t too clingy and at the very least, knew what boundaries were. Even as he opened up to the American prefect, Nico found that there were some things he did like about Jason. The way that Jason looked at him for one, there was just something inherently unique about it. To feel those warm, intense lightning blue eyes gazing down at him, looking at him in a way that no one ever had. It almost felt like that in Jason’s eyes, Nico could do no wrong, that he was perfect despite all his failings, that he was better than what he believed he was.

Nico generally never felt at ease away from home. But there was an exception. Whenever he was in Jason’s room or vice versa, be it to study or just to hang out, Nico felt most at ease. They had the best conversations, learning a little more about each other each time. They had the same taste in music, food, movies and books, with the exception of Lovecraft, Jason didn’t understand the terror of inhuman incomprehensibilities. As days turned to weeks, then months, then years, the two had grown closer to each other. There were many times when Nico wanted to reveal the truth, that he wasn’t actually attracted to girls, but the possibility of Jason rejecting him kept his mouth shut.

_Why, Jason? Why was I born this way? Why did you have to ignite these sinful feelings in me? You are the one that everyone looks up to, and I’m...I’m nobody._

“Fuck. I’m a fucking mess,” groaned Nico for only himself and God to hear. He missed Jason. But did he deserve him? And would Jason accept him even if he did?

He could talk to Jason about anything and he always understood him. It didn’t matter that Jason came from a wealthy background and was from a different country altogether, he just did. He cared for him and for that, Nico would always be grateful, but now that his big bad secret was out, how was Jason going to react?

What if he declared his love for him and Jason didn’t reciprocate his feelings? What if Jason said that he just wanted to be friends and nothing more than that? Nico would feel like an utter moron, exposing his dirty secret out in the open like the village idiot, suffocating under the weight of his own stupidity. A wishful part inside Nico held on to the hope that Jason actually had feelings for him too. A stupid, irrational hope.

Still, he needed to do something. He had to clear things up sooner or later. Why not now? He had to try. For him, it was worth it. He would have to figure it out as things unfolded. For now, all Nico had to do was gather the courage to actually type out a message. His fingers trembled a little as he tapped out his message.

* * *

 

When Dad said that he was going to invite a few guests for a small-scale Christmas Eve party, Jason was expecting a few family friends to turn up, not the rich and famous of the West Coast. As soon as he saw the lines of limousines outside the gates, he knew that this small-scale event was as about as small-scale as the Super Bowl. Jason felt foolish. Very foolish. Even Thalia saw the signs and quickly hopped onto a friend’s car on a road trip to Seattle. How had he not seen it coming?

“Jesus Christ,” Jason muttered as he breathed a sigh when he locked the door behind him. His room may have been in a mess, with his clothes piled up in one corner and books in the other. Who cares? It was nirvana. Jason landed face down on his bed, drowning in the sea of pillows. Pretending to be interested in high society gossip was an exhausting affair. Having to keep up the pretentious charade, pretending to understand politics and complimenting people’s perfumes was just not his cup of tea. What fun was it to listen to affairs, scandals, diets and dirty secrets that he didn’t give a shit about?

It didn’t really help that Dad kept trying to pair him off with some actor’s daughter. Of all the worst things an adult could do. She looked nice, and she was quite pleasant, but if Dad was hoping that throwing two teens together would mean them hitting it off, reality was dead. At the same time though, Jason wondered whether his heart belonged to someone else.

Jason felt like smothering himself with his mattress. He had never really considered himself a coward, but now? He had let too many questions lay idle in his head for too long. And he couldn’t answer most of them. What was he? Why did Nico kiss him? Why didn’t he stop him? Why did he kiss back?

“I’m a fucking idiot.”

Nico had a crush on him. Plain and simple. How could he not have seen it? Thalia had always called him ‘slow’. Perhaps she was right. Those fleeting moments that he had dismissed so easily, how could he have missed them? The biggest giveaway should have been that time when as a joke, he laid down on Nico’s lap to take a nap, only to have him run his fingers through his hair the whole time. That subtle look of disappointment in Nico’s face when he finally got up made so much more sense in retrospect.

The taste of Nico’s lips had lingered on in his mind long after he had left the UK. That sweet softness was just the cherry on top the cake. The surprise of it all was the best part. The feeling that Nico didn’t want to let him go and the sensation of their lips touching was so intense and addicting. A glimpse into heaven itself. Jason felt a pang of guilt. How long had Nico watched him from afar, daydreaming of being in his arms and his heart? Jason reached for his phone. He had delayed for far too long. He wanted to know the truth. He needed to know the truth.

“We need to talk.”


End file.
